14 DPO: I Fell Off...

of the daily challenge wagon. I also fell off of the "not gonna test early" wagon. Oops. After all these times, though, I've learned that testing early doesn't really have any effect on the final outcome. It's another BFN this cycle. At this point, I'm not even surprised. Like, at all. How could I be after so many cycles of negatives... over, and over, and over again.

Evil AF hasn't started yet, but it's coming, any minute now. I had a huge temperature drop yesterday and another one today. The crazy thing is yesterday I even started hoping I still wasn't out because there really were no other signs of AF. It's ridiculous the things I let myself believe when I want something so badly. I've really, really got to learn to be more rational.

So, 14 DPO shall quickly turn into CD1. No Thanksgiving due date for us (but man, that would have been so neat... truly something to be thankful for!). This next cycle will be our last chance to have a baby in 2013. I just don't see it actually happening, though. Instead, I see myself completing these last three cycles of clomid and having laparoscopic surgery in June. Part of me thinks maybe getting pregnant after the surgery would be better timing anyway, because if we got pregnant in July or August, the due date would be much closer to the end of the school year and I'd have the whole summer with our sweet miracle. Believe me, though, I've learned that making these plans in my mind doesn't mean that's how it's going to play out.

As soon as CD1 actually arrives, I'll be calling my nurse for her to call in my prescription. I also plan on having a little chat with her. I want to know why we are doing so many cycles of the exact same protocol. I mean, 4 times were unsuccessful, what makes my RE think the last 3 will work? I want to know why he's not being more aggressive. I have my own ideas as to why: 1) J's SA was awesome. I mean, better than good. So, his swimmers shouldn't need any help and 2) I only have half of a uterus, so producing more than 1 follicle could be very bad for me... there isn't room for one baby, let alone multiples. I'll update again later once I talk to my nurse and see what she has to say!