CD 7: Infertility = Not a Fun Ride

Infertility is like a roller coaster (albeit a super sucky rickety roller coaster that beats your head against the headrest around every turn). I can be happy and optimistic one day and completely depressed the next. Actually, now that I think about it, those ups and downs can change from one minute to the next. Today is a perfect example of that. Just this morning I realized how glad I was to already be on CD 7. I remember thinking to myself, Wow, in a week or less I will probably ovulate and have another chance at becoming pregnant. It seems like I was just in my last two week wait, and very shortly I will be in another one. In fact, I felt like I was becoming a little bit more patient, which I something I have been praying for constantly.

Everything changed when I got home from work this afternoon and started scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed. An adorable picture popped up of one of my friends I used to teach with at another school last year. She looks like she is about to pop. I remember at the end of the school year that she mentioned she and her husband were about to start trying to get pregnant. Of course, at that point we had already been trying for six months. Well, low and behold it appears she got pregnant her first cycle. I'm happy for her, but at the same time it's just so, so hard.  I mean, there's a good possibility she will have her baby before J and I even get pregnant, and she started trying way after we did.

I know it's not a race or a competition. And I know that her pregnancy doesn't take away my chances of being pregnant. I just don't know how to say it any other way than to say it's hard. Really, really, hard. It's hard to still be trying when others seem to have success so easily. It's hard to see women happily rubbing their pregnant bellies. It's hard to read about pregnancy announcements when you are unsure if you will ever be making one of your own. It's just hard. Hopefully soon I'll be able to say it was hard, but it was so worth it.