(Un)Happy Thanksgiving

I'd be lying if I said I woke up this morning in a joyful mood, ready to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday and reflect on everything in my life for which I should be thankful. Truthfully, I woke up in a horrible mood. I was thinking about the fact that tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of the first day of the first cycle that we began trying to add to our family, and here I am on cycle day 2 of one of the heaviest periods I've ever had on our 22nd cycle of trying. That means we have been unsuccessful 21 times. It also means this is yet another Thanksgiving passing us by where we are childless - with not even a single positive pregnancy test to show for all the prayer, treatment, tears, and good old fashioned trying we have put in over the past 729 days.

Of course, it probably didn't help that I logged onto Facebook, only to be bombarded by multiple pregnancy announcements, hundreds (okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a tiny bit) of adorable pictures of precious babies, and multiple heartfelt messages of thanks from parents for their wonderful children. Don't get me wrong - I totally get it. As I kept scrolling, I knew I would be beyond thankful, too, if I was in any of their shoes.

But that's just the thing - I should be thankful for everything I have, despite my circumstances. In 1 Thesssalonians 5:16-18, God says, "Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live." And so I have a choice. I can choose to be miserable because God has not yet blessed us with a child - the one thing my heart desires more than anything, or I can choose to be cheerful anyway, continue praying, and make it a point to thank God for not only the blessings he has already given us, but also for those that are yet to come, including the miracle of a child.

I am reminded this Thanksgiving more than ever that His plans are not my own. After our second IUI, I had dreamt up this magical way of telling J's entire family we were expecting today at Thanksgiving. His granddaddy always says the blessing before we eat, and I wanted to tell him ahead of time to include, "the child with whom God has blessed Jeremy and Heather" at the end of the list of things to be thankful for during the prayer. Obviously, this isn't going to happen. But I have to believe - I choose to believe - that God has even better things in store for us, beyond what I am capable of imagining.

I know there are others out there who are struggling today, too, so I wanted to share my prayer to God this morning, along with some of God's Word that I find incredibly encouraging:

Lord, you know my heart. You know my innermost desires. Thank you for all of the blessings you have already given me and for those that will come later. Today I am choosing to be joyful in my circumstances. If I lose my hope, God, I pray that you will continue to remind me that your plans are far better than my dreams. Lord, help me to believe with all my heart that trusting you, rather than focusing on what I see before me, is completely worth it. Give me the strength to ignore my own logical reasonings and instead rely on your powerful promises. I love you so much. Amen.

"Jesus answered, "You don't understand now what I'm doing, but it will be clear enough to you later." - John 13:7

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later." - Romans 8:18

"Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her." - Luke 1:45

"And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise." - Hebrews 6:15