Thursday, March 21, 2013

14 DPO: I Fell Off...

of the daily challenge wagon. I also fell off of the "not gonna test early" wagon. Oops. After all these times, though, I've learned that testing early doesn't really have any effect on the final outcome. It's another BFN this cycle. At this point, I'm not even surprised. Like, at all. How could I be after so many cycles of negatives... over, and over, and over again.

Evil AF hasn't started yet, but it's coming, any minute now. I had a huge temperature drop yesterday and another one today. The crazy thing is yesterday I even started hoping I still wasn't out because there really were no other signs of AF. It's ridiculous the things I let myself believe when I want something so badly. I've really, really got to learn to be more rational.

So, 14 DPO shall quickly turn into CD1. No Thanksgiving due date for us (but man, that would have been so neat... truly something to be thankful for!). This next cycle will be our last chance to have a baby in 2013. I just don't see it actually happening, though. Instead, I see myself completing these last three cycles of clomid and having laparoscopic surgery in June. Part of me thinks maybe getting pregnant after the surgery would be better timing anyway, because if we got pregnant in July or August, the due date would be much closer to the end of the school year and I'd have the whole summer with our sweet miracle. Believe me, though, I've learned that making these plans in my mind doesn't mean that's how it's going to play out.

As soon as CD1 actually arrives, I'll be calling my nurse for her to call in my prescription. I also plan on having a little chat with her. I want to know why we are doing so many cycles of the exact same protocol. I mean, 4 times were unsuccessful, what makes my RE think the last 3 will work? I want to know why he's not being more aggressive. I have my own ideas as to why: 1) J's SA was awesome. I mean, better than good. So, his swimmers shouldn't need any help and 2) I only have half of a uterus, so producing more than 1 follicle could be very bad for me... there isn't room for one baby, let alone multiples. I'll update again later once I talk to my nurse and see what she has to say!

Thursday, March 14, 2013

March Blogging Challenge - Day 14

Can I just say how glad I am that tomorrow is Friday? Which of course is followed by... spring break! Thank goodness! I don't know if I could have gone another day without a break!

I have to say this blog challenge is certainly helping me stay occupied and not think quite as much about how this cycle is going to turn out... at least not as much as usual, anyway. Today's topic is all about what's on my iPod. This is an interesting topic because I obviously can't list every song I have on there. So, instead, I'll just list some of the songs on my infertility play list. These songs really serve to uplift me when I'm feeling down!

1) Don't You Worry Child by Swedish House Mafia
2) Need You Now by Plumb
3) Worn by Tenth Avenue North
4) Only a Mountain by Jason Castro
5) I would Die for That by Kellie Coffey
6) No Fight Left by JJ Heller
7) Who You Are by JJ Heller

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

March Blogging Challenge - Day 13

Can I just say that the further along I am in the 2 week wait, the harder it is to wait! Also, I have a very funny (and somewhat embarrassing) story to tell about myself that just happened. So, apparently I was quite tired this afternoon after a long day at work complete with our last play performance and 9 parent conferences. Anyway, I fell asleep on the couch sometime around 5:30. Then I woke up. I looked at my phone, saw it was 6:30 and thought, "OMG, I just slept through the night on the couch!" Cue freak out. (I get up at like 5:45 for work.) I ran and jumped in the shower, making the executive decision to not wash my hair. As I'm scrubbing my body, I think to myself, "Oh, NO!!! I didn't let the dogs inside last night! And I didn't feed them any dinner! Poor babies!" At this point, I literally was about to cry because I felt so bad. Then I realized it's light outside. And it's been dark outside with the time change. That's when I finally understood it was 6:30 PM not 6:30 AM! Haha - what a dork I am!

On to the challenge! Today's topic is "Do I have a regret?" Ultimately, the answer to this question for me is kind of cliche, I feel like, because every decision I have made has lead me to where I am today. Who knows how my life would have turned out if I had done something differently. For example, sometimes I wish I had lived on campus my freshman year of college and/or joined a sorority so that I would have made more friends in college. I was never really a partier, and kind of kept to myself a lot, especially because I was dating J at the time and he still lived back at home to finish his senior year of high school. At the same time, though, if I had lived on campus or been a part of a sorority, there's a good chance my new, young relationship wouldn't have surveyed, and I can't imagine living my life with J in it. So, I guess the answer to the question is no, I really don't have a regret! I'm happy where I am and look forward to all the future holds!

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

March Blogging Challenge - Day 12

Can this week please end already?! My school's spring break is next week, and the anticipation leading up to that plus putting on the 4th grade play Monday-Wednesday and getting out on Wednesday and Thursday at 12:00 is making my students go crazy, and I think I'm quickly joining them! I did realize, though, that the outcome of this cycle is either going to make me be in a fantastic (or horrible) mood this cycle. I'm 6 DPO, so I'll be testing during spring break. I'm really, really hoping I get to be in a good mood! And even if it doesn't turn out how I'd hoped, I'd like to think that I can choose to be happy despite the circumstances.

Today's challenge topic is "something that I miss." This one was pretty easy for me, as I miss my parents and younger brother every day! My parents live in Ohio, which is pretty far from Alabama, so I don't get to see them a whole lot. I miss the shopping days that I used to have with my mom on the weekends and the playful side of my dad when he would joke around with me. Sometimes, the lazy side of me even misses having someone else do things for me - ya know, cooking, cleaning, laundry. Haha! I swear, I didn't know how good I had it when I was a kid!

I miss my brother a lot, too. He's in the army, and he's stationed in Hawaii. Lucky duck! I'm so proud of him. He is supposed to deploy to Afghanistan sometime this year. That really scares me, but I know the army has trained him well!

As a random side note, not testing has been easy so far. Granted, I'm only 6 DPO, but I haven't been as consumed thinking about everything as I usually am. I'm definitely hoping this trend continues!

Monday, March 11, 2013

March Blogging Challenge - Day 11

I survived baby shower #2! Was it difficult? Yes, but again, not as hard as I thought it'd be. For that I'm thankful. In fact, I found myself feeling truly happy for the mother-to-be. It brought me hope; if she's beat infertility, I can, too.

On to today's blog challenge: the last book I read. I was excited for today's topic because I absolutely love reading. Especially because it's a great way to get my mind off of our struggles with infertility. I read all the time and usually finish each book I read in a day or two. I like all kinds of books, especially those that are impossible to put down until I finish them. Click HERE to see a list of some of my recently read books.

Yesterday I finished the book Matched by Ally Condie. It's the first book of a trilogy, and has a similar vibe to Hunger Games and Divergent (both of which I definitely recommend!). It's about a 17-year-old girl, Cassia, living in a utopia, although there are signs that it's not quite as perfect as The Society makes it out to be. Once the girls in The Society turn 17, they attend a matching ceremony in which each girl is matched with their future spouse based on statistics. It's supposed to be a flawless system, but when Cassia views her microcard from The Society to learn more about her match, a second picture of a different match appears after the first one goes away. She is left with several huge decisions - which match does she choose? I won't spoil it for you! :)

It's truly a great book, especially if you liked the other two series I mentioned. I'm currently reading the second book in the series now, called Crossed. I can't wait to see how it all turns out!

Sunday, March 10, 2013

March Blogging Challenge - Day 10

Well, I survived one of the two back-to-back baby showers today.  I did much better than I thought I would, especially since I had already had to go to two different baby stores for presents for today and tomorrow's showers. Of course, the shower wouldn't have been complete without my MIL saying something along the lines of, "Look at all these grandmother's carrying around babies." This included a look in my direction that let me know she was ready for her turn. Believe me MIL, I'm ready for my turn, too!

Ok, on to the actual challenge... my daily routine! Yikes, this is probably going to be pretty boring, but my normal Sunday routine goes about like this:

6:30 - Get up and get ready... shower, makeup, etc.
7:30 - Leave to go to church.
8:00 - Church service... my favorite part of the day!
9:30 - Breakfast with J.
10:30 - Go with J to get his car cleaned. (Yes, this is a weekly thing. He's spoiled.)
11:00 - Get groceries for the week.
12:00 - Head home.
12:30 - Take a nap, read, watch TV, etc.

From that point, the rest of the day is always up in the air. Usually there's a walk thrown in, plus dinner of course, and at some point I always do my lesson plans for the upcoming week. Like I said, pretty boring!

Wish me luck that tomorrow's baby shower goes as well as today's did!

Saturday, March 9, 2013

March Blogging Challenge - Day 9

Today's topic is all about what's on my life list or bucket list. This probably makes me sound completely unambitious, but I don't really have a whole lot on the list. Maybe it's because lately I've tried to remind myself to be thankful for all I've already done, seen, and been blessed with... because truly, it's a lot! So, I'm going to start with that.

I'm thankful for...

  • An amazing husband who loves me unconditionally, despite all my flaws.
  • Having successfully completed undergrad and graduate school.
  • A job that allows me to put my degrees into practice every day. Teaching is hard on a daily basis, but I do love it.
  • Having a teaching job at a school that is literally 5 minutes away from my RE's office. On a whim, I applied to one of the best schools in the state toward the end of last school year and found out I got the job about 10 minutes after I had left my interview. God is so good, and clearly knew exactly what was in store for my life. Had I continued working at my old school, I would have had to take time off every time I needed an ultrasound or blood drawn, leaving less days for my maternity leave. Honestly, this is another reason I remain faithful that being a mother is in my future.
  • Owning a nice home that perfectly meets our needs.
  • A family who supports everything I do.
  • My few close friends who I can talk to when the need arises.

With that said, what all do I still want to accomplish? There are three main things, I think, that stick out above the rest...

1) Obviously, I want to be a mother. I want to hold my child in my arms and know what that feels like. I want to see my husband in the role of a father to a baby that we created together in love.

2) I want to be a healthy weight. The whole Weight Watchers things hasn't gone well this time around. I'm not motivated. A weird part of me feels like by devoting time to losing weight, I'm giving up on my dream of having a child. I know this is irrational and untrue, but in my mind it makes sense. Why get skinny now, when getting pregnant will erase that for a time being? To me, it's like saying, go ahead and try now because a pregnancy isn't going to happen. One day, though, I will be a healthy weight.

3) I want to visit every continent. Other than North America, I've been to Europe (Spain), Asia (Japan), and Africa (Morocco). That leaves Australia, South America, and Antarctica. Of those, I most want to visit Australia, and I least want to visit Antarctica. I hate the cold!  

Friday, March 8, 2013

March Blogging Challenge - Day 8

Like I promised, I found a challenge! This one has different topics to write about for each day of March. I'm not going to go back and do the ones I missed, and I can't guarantee I'll continue to the end of March. (More than likely I will just keep it up until either CD1 or a BFP.) Lord, please let it be the latter!

Here's the challenge:
So, since today is March 8th, I'll be writing about my biggest pet peeve! (As a side note, is it just me who wonders where sayings like this came from? Pet peeve??)

Man, do I have to just choose one?! Yikes... I have several. Therefore, I'm going to make a list of my top ten pet peeves, starting with the one I find least annoying and leading up to the one that really drives me absolutely crazy!

My Top Ten Pet Peeves

10. People who chew loudly when eating and/or bite the fork when taking a bite. I seriously despise that sound. It makes me cringe!

9. People who are constantly using their cell phones at inappropriate times... ya know, while paying for your food at Chick-Fil-A, in the middle of dinner, etc.

8. Grocery store baggers who apparently don't notice that I took the time to arrange my groceries on the conveyer belt based on type. Cans together, frozen stuff together, refrigerated stuff together. You get the gist. Is it really that difficult?

7. Shoppers that are oblivious to everything and everyone around them. Personally, I try to always be conscious of those around me, making to sure I'm not in anyone's way. Seriously, old lady, how long do you need to stand there and debate about what kind of cheese you need to buy?! 

6. People who refuse to put their dogs not on leash. Case in point... this one time I was going for a run with one of our dogs, Lilly, (who was most definitely on a leash), when someone decided to let his dog out the front door without a leash. Said dog of course ran across the street to us, causing Lilly to jump up and pull toward the dog, knocking me straight to the ground. That guy definitely got an earful from me, especially when he didn't even bother to ask if I was alright!

5. People who are late... even more so when they don't even let you know they won't make it on time!

4. People who use bad grammar/spelling. This includes mixing up homonyms like you're/your and their/there/they're. I mean come on people, as an adult, you should know the difference between these words!

3. People who can't drive. UGH! You know just who I am talking about. This category includes the people who drive 50 MPH in the fast lane and refuse to get over, the people who don't use their turn signal so you know you can go ahead and turn, and the people who cut you off and then slam on their brakes. 

2. People who smoke in front of others. Actually, if I'm being honest, smokers in general annoy me. It's disgusting, and I don't want to have to smell it.

... Drum roll please...

1. People who can't take care of their kids! Are you surprised? Just the other day when I was at car pool, a parent had her kindergartener get in the front seat of her mini-van. Seriously? 

And there you have it! Clearly I need to de-stress a bit, ha!

CD 17 (1 or 2 DPO): It's Been Awhile!

I haven't updated recently, so I figured I should probably get on that! I am in the two week wait again, and I'm really hoping it goes by quickly. I'm not really feeling strongly one way or the other as for how this cycle is going to go. I am going to try to wait it out and not test until I'm actually late, which would be March 20th if I'm 2 DPO. So, my plan is to do some kind of blog challenge until then to give me something to do! Off to look for one in just a minute!

Can I also just say that I am really not looking forward to Sunday or Monday? I have a baby shower to attend both days. Crazily enough, both girls that are pregnant saw my same RE. It will definitely be difficult for me, but at the same time, it also gives me hope that one day it will be me in their shoes. I still have to get both of their gifts... and I'm not loving the idea of going shopping for baby stuff. Oh, well. Not much I can do about it!